


Hats Off to Black Hat! - A (Rather Abridged) Villainous Journey -

by corn_stain



Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: Dark Comedy, Death as Comedy, Gen, Historical References, I tried to play up BH's Britishness and accent through text but idk how well I achieved that, Original Flavour, played for laughs, some historical characters may cameo try to find out who they are, the other three characters won't appear until MUCH later, this is mostly BH's story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-14 21:12:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11216364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corn_stain/pseuds/corn_stain
Summary: The humble(?) beginnings of Black Hat, and how it all came to be in our world.





	1. Prelude to Evil

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will be updated every day so remember to check in depending on which time zone you're at. Of course, I don't have an exact time when I would post updates but it WILL be everyday since it's pretty much finished. This fic will also be VERY short so don't expect anything too big happening here. I mostly wrote it in the formula of very brief shorts... like the show itself!

In the beginning, the universe was pretty boring...  
  
So Black Hat was created!  
  
Okay, that was rushing it a bit. But before that, he merely travelled the cosmos, plunging everything he had contact with into darkness.  
  
A brand new star? Gone like a burned out bulb!  
  
A planet full of life? BOOM goes the dynamite!  
  
A vessel in which the inhabitants of said planet are currently on an exodus? Well... you can see where it goes from here.  
  
It took millions of years until finally, he reached the solar system. The third planet from the sun was going to be his next target.  
  
"I am famished, after all," he informed nonchalantly.  



	2. They All Fall Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He comes into the world to corrupt.

In this new planet, he wandered for many centuries. That which was unseen was enough to send an entire race in a fit of fear, claiming the very existence of something so horrible that any soul was vulnerable to it being devoured. The fiend was always pleased with that kind of reputation.  
  
He took on many forms big and small, holy and unholy, beautiful and ugly; nothing was safe. Kingdoms fell and so did many dynasties. A plague had nearly wiped out everybody. Such panic led to some thinking that eschewing any sensible hygiene practises to be the more sensible choice. Now everyone smelled bad but they believed they were 'enlightened.'  
  
Humans were great entertainment.  
  
Even so, he still had to think of a constant form fit for this world but not too much. Something that even with a familiar figure, he could still be recognised as a visible abomination. He looked to the Bible for references.  
  
Aeons passed until he finally settled in one place; England was the place to be. Everything looked fancy but the city stank. He observed the worthless flesh bags littering the streets, but when a commotion stirred, a shadow like figure which moved like the wind caught his attention, so he followed it.  
  
The shadow in question was merely a man of ill-repute, clad in a three-piece suit, finished with a top hat, and wore a monocle in his left eye. You could say he looked like a very stereotypical villain but at the time, it was just fashionable. Anyway, he was back in his lair quite proud of his loot.  
  
" _Ain't you quite the speed demon?_ "  
  
The felon heard the voice from behind him and turned around, startled. He didn't see anything but his own shadow reflected by the lantern. He could barely enunciate his words as he stammered.  
  
"Wh-who's there...?" he managed to ask.  
  
"I say, I do like your style." said the voice, ignoring the questions. The hat in particular interested him. "Makes you look rather dashing,"  
  
"Don't flirt me you... y-you... whatever you are!" The man froze when what seemed like something touched his skin. Brandishing a shiv, he asked, "Who are you? What ARE you?"  
  
"If I tell you, it would kill you. But I don't want you dead. Yet. But rest assured, dear sir, I'll be watching you. Always watching..."  
  
Just like that the voice was gone. The felon concluded that his mind may just be playing tricks on him. He wasn't going to let some strange, unexplainable moment keep him from celebrating another successful heist.  
  
Little did he know that from that moment on, he really was going to be watched until the day he died. Aside from being a thief, the man also did a lot of crimes that he somehow got away with including kidnapping, extortion, fraud, battery, murder, sabotage, arson, pussy drowning, refusing to take off his hat inside, and not wiping his feet amongst others.  
  
So his death came no sooner when his crimes had finally caught up with him and he was sent to the gallows. From whence the lifeless shadow swinging in the breeze, emerged the would-be infamous Black Hat, ready to make the world a little more vile and its heroes a little more dead. A thousand constables mysteriously perished all over London that fateful day.


	3. An Isle for an Isle

With a pen in hand and a piece of paper laid on the table, Black Hat began to write a letter for someone very important. Once he finished, this was what it said:

> _Vicky,_  
>    
> _I request your permission to purchase one of your islands on the grounds that I wish to own and rule it. Be grateful that I only want a tiny piece of your rotten, stinking land instead of your kingdom, and allowing you to rule this long. So I'm merely asking you to return the favour as I have grown bored and wish to have ~~the humans~~ some of your subjects bowing at my feet. Do comply... if you know what's good for you._  
>    
> _Sincerely,_  
>  _Black Hat_

A week later came this response:

> _Over my dead body!_  
>    
> _Signed,_  
>  _The Queen_

Black Hat frowned, holding the paper in his hand. Then a menacing grin quickly replaced it.  
  
"Then so be it, Your Majesty..." The room glowed red.  
  
Outside, the skies turned grey as thunder echoed all over the city.  
  
He hissed, "God, save the Queen..."  
  
And a candle was blown in the wind.  
  
22nd January, 1901:  
  
"I hereby claim this land, its people, and all its riches in the name of _me_ , Black Hat!" A red flag with a black silhouette of a top hat fluttering on a pole was planted. "And do so name this isle, Hat Island!"  
  
In spite of the people's fears, they applaud him. Black Hat insisted that it was not a day for mourning, but for celebration.  
  
He wasted no time in changing the names of every street in the town. The town itself was even changed to 'Hatsville.'  
  
"He must really love hats," said a local bystander.  
  
"Considering his name, would you expect less?" replied the other.  
  
Even though Black Hat pretty much has the world on a platter and that everybody are just blissfully unaware of it, he still had to find permanent residence somewhere. He had to do some redecorating before he could settle comfortably, of course.  
  
Hat Island was made so that it could be where it was needed. Many sightings of a land suddenly appearing or disappearing before their very eyes was not uncommon. The Gulf of Mexico was a particular favourite for some reason.  
  
_"¡Ay ay ay, cuidado—!_ "  
  
And a fisherman's boat crashed; another sight not uncommon. Those who were fortunate enough to witness the island appearing as close as possible lived to tell the tale.  
  
Usually.


	4. B.H. and H.P.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An author visits.

' _Eldritch_.' The American was fond of using that word in his works. Black Hat was already aware of it and its meaning during a brief stint in Scotland and so it was flattering when the man used it to describe him. The human was perhaps the first ever who didn't run away from him despite already knowing who he was.  
  
To that end, Black Hat even agreed to be his source of inspiration.  
  
"I'd say 'muse' but there's no male counterpart for that, if I recalled," said the human, sipping his tea.  
  
"No, I don't believe there is." Black Hat said, reclining in his seat. "Anyhow, you've been writing so many stories now and yet to earn a single penny from them. You're literally selling yourself short, aren't you?"  
  
"I'm content with at least knowing someone reads them. You, for instance. And a few people, I guess," the human said, awkwardly.  
  
"Indeed. And I've enjoyed them somewhat, which is quite an accomplishment."  
  
The words made the human smile—a rare feat by his own admission. He tried to hide it by drinking his tea again but Black Hat knew better.  
  
"My, my. It must've been a while since there was colour on those hollow cheeks of yours," Black Hat teased, making the human nearly spit out his drink.  
  
The human spilled some on his trousers from a minor coughing fit. Something was on his mind and he just had to let it out.  
  
"Mister Black Hat, if you don't mind... I have a rather _daft_ question to ask of you."  
  
"' _Daahft_ '?" Black Hat imitated the man's faux accent. "Isn't that adorable, going all English just to appeal to me. As if you haven't done so by writing, you're doing it now in speech?"  
  
"Mister Black Hat, please..."  
  
"Oh fine, go ask your _daft_ question already. I don't mind."  
  
The human cleared his throat and asked: "May I see your true form?"  
  
Black Hat's eye widened.  
  
"Surely you jest," he said. "Suicide would be a much more merciful option for you compared to such a stupid request."  
  
"Oh, don't tell me you're concerned for my welfare," protested the human. "For a being of your calibre, that ought to be the last thing on your mind—"  
  
"Don't tell me what's supposed to be on my mind!" exclaimed Black Hat. "Alright, Mister Howard. Because you asked so politely..."  
  
Black Hat expected the following; the human jumped out of the window which was about two-storeys high, landing on a very fat man that just happened to be walking and screaming to the same man, unconscious from the impact:  
  
"RUN! RUN WHILE YOU STILL CAN!"  
  
Seemingly unscathed, the one Mister Howard ran away as fast as he could, waving his arms hysterically.  
  
Black Hat, who was watching from the window, merely quipped, "Huh. All I did was take off my monocle..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess who his visitor was?
> 
> ; )


	5. Superzeroes

Black Hat guffawed at the misnomer. If they were so super, then they'd need to have more than just super strength, super speed, x-ray vision, eye beams, a kind heart, or any combination of every "superpower" for them to not be so easily exterminated like insects to a cloud of poison.  
  
The only force of good he could think of that ever came close to him was the Man Upstairs but even He was too much of a pushover to be an actual threat. Heck, he had low key assumptions that He was allowing all of _this_ to happen.  
  
Like any other day, another superhero was at his mercy. Having discovered his identity (which was totally easy, concluding that the humans must be so stupid to not see through a big hulking man wearing a business suit) and his family, he threatened him that if he did not oblige to his request, he would be exposed while at the same time a horrible doom was awaiting for those he loved. It's amazing how the second threat could instantly bring any hero in question down to their knees.  
  
"You monster!" cried the hero. "Having to use innocents just to get to me! Have you no shame?"  
  
"Hmm... no," said Black Hat, then proceeding to let out an Evil Laugh™. The sameness of every superhero capture led him to just roll with it like both of them have memorised a script.  
  
"You won't--"  
  
"--Get away with this, yadda yadda yadda, I know!" Black Hat finished for him. "Enough with the histrionics already! You're here because you've finally met to my demands. Hang your cape and tights right now and I let you all go, then swear to quit the superhero business forever!"  
  
"And allow this city to fall in an era of darkness and sorrow? Never! I'm here to fight you." The hero stood his ground.  
  
Black Hat hissed at his stubbornness. "Fine! If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get! But first..."  
  
Black Hat turns on the screen behind him to a live feed of the hero's wife and daughter facing two circular saws each coming for their throats.  
  
"Let's watch your family sacrifice their lives so you can continue your job as a superhero, shall we?" Black Hat grinned.  
  
The hero watched in horror at the scene before him.  
  
"Daddy, do you know how dying could affect my popularity?" whined the daughter from the television. "I mean, Phil just asked me to the dance, this is, like, _very_ bad timing!"  
  
"So what will it be?" Black Hat blocked the screen. "Me or your family?"  
  
Oh, what a conundrum! What choice will our hero make? Will evil finally triumph over good?  
  
Stay tuned!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, sorry I was at school the entire day so I posted it late! But thanks for reading!


	6. Advertiser-Unfriendly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Black Hat attempts to get a spot.

The newest hit of that day fades out to which the announcer finally speaks.  
  
"That was 'My Prom Date May Have Been Killed By A Supervillain', a hot new record by The Cheaters!" Cue sound effect of a wolf whistle. "And we have more coming up as we bring you an hour of uninterrupted hits for the young and—"  
  
A loud shattering boom was heard in the background, sending the station in a flurry of panic, including a scream from the announcer. Black Hat's voice is then heard across the signal.  
  
"Greetings, life forms of utter waste!" He tapped on the microphone. "Uh, is this thing live? Hello?"  
  
"Please don't kill me!" Begged the announcer, followed by the sound of 'Psycho' strings.  
  
"I swear, if you press one of those sound effect buttons again..." Black Hat began threatening.  
  
"I have a fear of the dark," The announcer then plays a short, creepy organ sting.  
  
"Ok, you like organs Mister Radio Man? How about this?!"  
  
"No, please don't!" A very out of place drum and cymbal musical sting is accidentally played which is then interrupted by another scream, more bloodcurdling than the last and a few squelching sounds.  
  
"Ow! That hurt..." whined the announcer. "Ah, the station has been ambushed by a sharply dressed demon from the bowels of Hell! Just give him what he wants!"  
  
The mic is handed back to Black Hat.  
  
"Huh? No, I just need a way to make an advertisement because I heard this bloody station is the most listened to in the country." Black Hat breathes then continues. "Hello, villains! Black Hat here and do I have an offer that you cannot refuse!  
  
The advertisement was as follows:  
  
" _Are you someone's arch nemesis? Are you in need of destroying someone's life? Well then look no further than the one and only Black Hat, inspiring evil since the dawn of time! I am an expert in every facet of villainy; being bad, stabbing someone in the back, possessing devilish good looks and of course, leaving a trail pandemonium wherever I go!_  
  
" _Do_ you _need to haunt the nightmares of a man who's already down on his luck? Enter Black Hat! Do_ you _need the courage to say something so traumatising to a child that not even the Devil would say to God? Enter Black Hat! Are you tired of these superheroes that just don't get it? Enter Black Hat!_ __  
  
" _So dial—_ " a heavily distorted sound emits from the radio, otherworldly and sinister, " _I repeat, that's—_ " the same, horrible sound is played, " _And schedule your appointment today for an exclusive consultation!_ "  
  
Aside from the radio, Black Hat had already expanded his market to other mediums including flyers, magazines, and once technology became more advanced, TV and the internet.  
  
On TV and in any print, the dialled numbers simply appeared as either smudges or they were so heavily pixellated it was still hard to decipher. But this did not stop the calls to his office. Many were able to find the address, 'Hat Island, Hat Ave. Mannor #333, Hatsville.'  
  
His business was going to be a huge success.  
  
To end the advertisement, Black Hat adds:  
  
" _Oh and I can also do all that other villainous stuff too like plotting evil schemes, laughing maniacally, and whatnot._ "


	7. So Far, So Bad

Dr. Flug, Demencia, and 5.0.5 are huddled around the table, reading a journal by Black Hat.  
  
"How dreamy!" Demencia sighed, tenderly. "So much done in not-so little time!"  
  
"Yeah. Even though I wish he'd left some details out," Dr. Flug agreed. He was going to have a hard time sleeping after that. "We really shouldn't be reading this. Demencia, you shouldn't be stealing stuff like this!"  
  
"I already told you, I found it!" she said. "It was right in front of the door to his office!"  
  
"Then he must've dropped it! You should've given it back to him!" Dr. Flug started to panic.  
  
"Oh lighten up. Let's read some more! I wonder if he wrote anything about us in here!"  
  
Flug had to admit, that piqued his interest. He had been following the timeline and they were approaching the period in which Black Hat Inc. was supposedly established.  
  
"I guess a few more pages wouldn't hurt," Flug decided to turn the pages this time. "I am pretty curious too after all. If he did mention us here, what'll it be about?"  
  
"Ooh! How about when I snuck love letters to his mail every day for a month?" Demencia gushed.  
  
5.0.5 happily mumbled something, unintelligibly.  
  
"Maybe he wrote something about one of my inventions!" Flug said.  
  
" _Or how about I show you instead my favourite part of the book?_ "  
  
"AH!" screamed all three when Black Hat's voice came from behind them. The imposing figure stood there as if he'd been watching the entire time. He snatched the book from the table.  
  
"The part I'm talking about involves all three of you!" Black Hat said, earning smiles from his subordinates. He flipped several pages and began to read. "This was the day when my employees were banished to the Realm of Undying Torment."  
  
While Flug and 5.0.5's expressions changed to that of fear, Demencia eyed him suspiciously and pointed out, "Hey, I don't remember that—"  
  
Black Hat, with the tap of his cane, opened a portal which pulled in all three of them, screaming and clawing on the floor to escape its pull. Once the portal closed again, all that remained were scratch marks; a sign of their struggle.  
  
With everything quiet again, Black Hat retired to his office. He placed the journal back on the shelf and sat on his chair, plotting once again as the minutes ticked by.  
  
"...They'll be fine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand, that's a wrap! I hope you've enjoyed the ride thus far. If you have any thoughts or some criticism, please hesitate not to leave a comment.
> 
> Until next time, this is corn signing out~


End file.
